Mother is a Verb

Mother is a Verb

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Christmas 2008

Detroit and Wall Street aren’t the only places begging for a bailout this year. The Seefried clan is right there with them! We have first dibs on Change too.

Sure, maybe we shouldn’t have been surprised…it’s not like Kris hasn’t changed her mind before…4 years ago her room was plastered with posters of half-dressed rap singers. Now she’s in love with a Westpointer who is actually whiter than she is. She headed to Villanova to study business, I mean education, I mean nursing. Yup, the child who has come closest to an “assault on a nurse” conviction is going to BE a nurse! Can you say Karma? What’s another semester or two. She also has joined a sorority. I wonder what will happen if she treats her new sisters like she treats her old sister…

Will’s tuition went from zero to 60 faster than you can say “actors don’t make much”. In keeping with the campaign theme this year, he changed schools, cities, and animal phobias. Ever since his encounter with a friendly squirrel on a park bench in NYC, mice are a breeze. Senior Year hoopla characterized the earlier half of Will’s year. That and an epidemic of T-Ping houses. Including ours. Twice. Apparently this is a sign of affection. Boy, did I feel loved.

Remember how last year’s letter talked about how happy Kev was at his new school? We lied. We bailed him out 3 weeks after last year’s letter was mailed. He is now back at Fountain Valley in Colorado Springs and as content as any sixteen- year- old boy can be. He currently holds the title for most expensive sophomore year in history. Kev spent the summer scooping at Cold Stone but somehow managed to drop 25 lbs. Sorry, but no, I don’t know her name.

In the most bittersweet story of 2008 , our little Nicki bailed on childhood. She left for camp a sweet-talking, guitar-playing, parent–pleasing thirteen-year-old. When I picked her up (in the middle of flippin’ nowhere) 2 and a half weeks later…the boys were ‘smokin’, the music was ‘jammin’ and Carlie from Alabama had taught her how to ‘cuss’ in several octaves. Fourteen was only a few weeks away and I was experiencing a severe case of déjà vu…

Our biggest struggle this holiday is Cam’s daily change of list for Santa. He has definitely decided…that he can’t really decide. Which might lead to a new role for Santa in ‘Bi-Polar Express’. In our most recent attempt to win the “worst parent of the year award” (we long ago bailed on best), Cam is an avid member of Facebook and connoisseur of YouTube. We’re tired, okay???

Speaking of YouTube, you can catch Phil on there in a ‘Death of Credit’ speech that was spookily accurate. Fortunately, he did not have this revelation about the market before he had bought me my long-coveted…and long-denied BAYHOUSE ! (in Stone Harbor). Our very own. With a boat. I am a very happy camper. And the best part is, that everyone else is too. Including Phil. Even tho’ we are now more broke than GM (and even tho’ my brother and I outscored him on the boating license test). Tee-hee.

I wish I had bailed from my bike 10 seconds earlier when I hit a rough patch in Stone Harbor last August. My road-burned face was a frightening sight for the upperclassmen helping Kris and Will move into their respective colleges the next day. Unfortunately a broken wrist and finger didn’t make me much help. Never one to accept the glass as half empty, it didn’t take me long to master the left-handers corkscrew. Thank God, we finally got Phil cleared of the abuse charge … right around the time my cast came off.

With the financial world crumbling around us, I’m preparing for the potential of Phil needing a bailout too. Let’s face it folks, I may have to become the breadwinner. It’s OK; just between us, I have a plan. No kidding. I am now the proud owner of my very own domain. For you lucky female friends who are over 40, look for this spring. Think Facebook for the 40+ crowd (girls only, sorry guys!). And if you are not over forty…fear not…you will be. ☺

On that note, let us end with heartfelt wishes to you and yours for a warm, wonderful, gratitude-filled holiday.

Peace on earth, goodwill to all,

Gretchen, Phil, Kris, Will, Kev, Nicki and Cammy!

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