Christmas 2005

The Seefried Family Personal Ads (Christmas 2005)

MWM (45) seeks personal assistant to pay bills, uncork wine, organize battery drawer, and listen to repetitive golf stories;
MWF (44) seeks travel agent with medical background and taxicab;
SWF (16) seeks life of 26 year old including no rules, no curfew, steady paycheck;
SWM (15) seeks talent agent. Must own bakery or candy store;
SWM (13) seeks hit man to off David Ortiz
SWF (11) seeks (hot) members for band. Especially bass player (must be very hot!);
SWM (6) seeks introduction to Cinderella, but will settle for any Disney princess!

Now that our household consists of three teens, a pre-teen, and a six-year-old teen wannabe, everything is personal. We have so many hormones raging the Denver police have designated a new crime category “Home Rage”. That is the charge when anyone reacts so strongly to someone eating the last cookie that they try to kill them. It also covers reactions to whistling, singing, staring, saying hi to your brother’s friend, touching anyone’s anything, or asking “how was your day?”

Travel was the name of the game in 2005…collectively we logged enough miles on United to be awarded our own flight attendant (but she ate the last pack of peanuts, so we had to kill her).

In January, after years of trying to convince me to go “South of the Border”, Phil finally got his wish …sort of… and we headed to Mexico for a long weekend in January. It was a memorable trip in the way that most trips to Mexico are memorable. Enough said.

On February 1st, I flew to NY to surprise Kris for her sweet 16. Over the course of her sixteenth year she has ingested 563 slices of pizza, made 492 calls to complain, bemoaned her lack of money on 358 separate occasions, blamed someone else for everything 216 times, watched 197 episodes of Law & Order, used 12,597 cell phone minutes and logged at least 25,681 frequent flyer miles between DIA and LaGuardia.

March found us in San Francisco where Phil was shocked and dismayed to find (in an elevator with a mirrored ceiling of all places) that we weren’t kidding about his bald spot. The other people on the elevator were pretty shocked and dismayed themselves as apparently they had never seen a grown man cry.

Will continues to consume significantly more than one-fifth of my driving hours, our performing arts funds, and the family food supply. Since January, his roles have run the gamut from a Roman teenager competing with his father for the beautiful blonde (a mid-life fantasy for many dads we know) to a childless baker on a mission to steal Red Riding Hood’s cape! He also acted like a pretty convincing innocent bystander when he and friend Eve got picked up by cops while walking to the grocery store at 2AM…what??...they were hungry.

Kevin’s life dream came true last summer, when Phil and he flew to Detroit (glad that wasn’t my life dream) for three days of MLB All-Star mania. Kev came home with enough baseball paraphernalia to open his own stadium. Come September, he got a free make-over when several of Will’s female pals decided to update Kev’s look. Our clothing budget is now shot as he is no longer happy in old Yankee shirts and hand-me-down jeans. Along with his new appearance, Kev has developed an attitude…as well as a social life. His first big coed party somehow managed to coincide with parents’ weekend at Masters. I’m still not sure which one of us drew the short straw…but try to picture Phil and Will playing chaperone to 40+ thirteen and fourteen year olds… in our basement and on a mission.

Nicki is a savvy eleven year-old who dreads the hallmark of fifth grade…“Puberty Day”. Seeing that puberty has been the hallmark of our household since the turn of the millennium, it shouldn’t be that traumatic! Nicole has been testing the performance waters alongside Will, and was pretty cool last summer as a Thunderbird in Grease! This week she debuted as Granny in Into the Woods. If anyone had ever told me that I’d pay ten bucks (eight times) to see my daughter eaten by a wolf…and then cut out of the wolf’s stomach by her brother, the Baker, I never would have believed them…Nick has also been seen jamming around some Denver dives on her electric guitar. She is asking Santa for two monster cables, a special effects pedal and a parakeet. Guess we’ll have to soundproof her room…

Cameron. When he was one, I thought it was ‘fun’. When he was two, I thought ‘almost through’. When he was three, I thought ‘God help me’. When he was four, I thought ‘this is a chore’. When he was five, I thought ‘bury me alive’. But now he is six…and loving and clever…I hope he stays six forever and ever! His favorite activities include the monkey bars, spin art and Camrox727@yahoo.com (his new e-mail address…he’d LOVE to hear from you)!

As for Phil and me, well…we just do our best to keep smiling, drinking and playing one, two, three shoot to see who wins the late night rehearsal pick-up or the early morning coffee run. We’ve decided to sell the NY house and dig deeper into Denver…maybe a mountain house some day? We’d love to see you here or on the Jersey shore when we head East for July. Any interest in renting the Stone Harbor house in June or August, let us know!

This year we continue to pray for our troops and their families, as well as for all of those uprooted by Katrina and Rita.

We wish you peace, joy, health, and happiness!
With Love, Gretchen, Phil, Kris, Will, Kevin, Nicole & Cameron

Christmas 2004

We’re off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz…

On this occasion of the 10th anniversary of our annual Christmas treatise, I was briefly tempted to simply re-issue the original letter in a fancy envelope and leave it at that. But now that even Cameron knows how to spell “cop out”, I was forced to reconsider. Finding a theme was the next conundrum. As we drew straws for who got stuck with the late night pick-up from Will’s “Oz” rehearsals, I was inspired. While I had every intention of casting myself as Glinda, the good witch, the rest of the family seemed to think that I more closely resemble her wicked sister (I have to admit, green is one of my favorite colors)!

West Palm Beach resembled the land of Oz last Christmas… ten days after we moved (and about ten minutes after I mailed last year’s letter) we headed to Florida to spend the holidays with Phil’s family. 14 munchkins, oops, I mean cousins, crammed into a family room built for 4, vying for presents, candy canes and Grandma’s undivided attention. It was all worth it! Except for maybe the midnight fire alarm in our hotel …

Follow the yellow brick road… we actually did it… for 28 hours of middle-aged mom/teenage daughter/teenage son bonding along I-70 eastbound enroute to the Jersey shore. While Kristen looks cute in braids…somehow it’s hard to picture her as an innocent from Kansas. After eight hours of highway with little more to look at than billboards “TRIPLE XXX ADULT STORE… SEX TOYS HALF-PRICE” and truckers who dared to pass her:“Where the ^%#$#$^do you think you are going?!! I could take you$%&%*^!!”…Will and I breathed a sigh of relief when we crossed over the bridge into Kansas City, Missouri and saw actual two-story buildings. Civilization at last!

Now that Kris is a boarder at The Masters School in NY, the only thing she really wants from the wizard is MONEY... “you guys are so naïve to think that a person can get by on $50 a week in NY. Things are really expensive here!!” (Mind you, we lived there ourselves for over 13 years and, by the way, EVERYTHING she eats , sleeps, and breathes is already paid for)!

Will really feels like he has made it to the Emerald City. He started his fourteenth year with a surprise trip to Vegas with Phil. In two and a half days they managed to ride the rollercoaster at New York, New York 34 times. (Phil had vertigo for weeks) Though he played the Tinman last month, there is little need for a new heart; Will’s summer theatrics involved two passionate kissing scenes in Oklahoma! out on the Jersey shore. This was closely followed by an early August start at his new high school, Denver School of the Arts. When I asked about his Halloween costume plans, he replied “Mom, at DSA every day is Halloween.” He is asking the wizard for a chance to re-do those kissing scenes now that his braces are off!

Though Kevin had to search for enough courage to face the dreaded Red Sox fan bandwagon at school this fall, he is more committed than ever to becoming the Yankees GM. Every morning he regales us with obscure baseball statistics from the sports pages. A 7th grader now, he is showing the faintest glimmer of attitude, but still good-naturedly endures limitless abuse from Cameron (who loves to scream “Go Red Sox!” whenever he sees Kevin). Now the oldest Seefried at Graland, he has adjusted well to the role of protector. On the roller rink, he was a regular Dave Schulz, leading the league in penalty minutes. Kevin is asking the wizard for Randy Johnson, straight As, tickets to the next World Series, a lifetime supply of fudge along with an out-of-state adoptive family for Cameron.

Nicole is starting down the yellow brick road of theater too. After playing Harriet the Spy in June, she was a chorus member in Oklahoma (the better to see Will’s kissing rehearsals!), and recently landed a part as the balloon girl in a local high school production of Gypsy! A real renaissance gal, she continues with piano, voice, guitar, soccer, girl scouts and basketball. A developing hoopster she scored 17 points in her first game this fall after being basketless all summer! She is asking the Wizard for an electric guitar, Spongebob slippers, a dog like Toto, and a perpetual playdate with Faye or Cecilia.

While he campaigned early on for the role of Glinda, Cameron is kind of like our own personal munchkin -way too wise for his size. This year, after outgrowing his wheat allergy he discovered the #1 vehicle for sugar, doughnuts with icing and sprinkles. He was hooked. A kindergartener now, he loves to write letters to one and all. One of our favorites: Dear Kris, I hat you! Love Cameron. He plays a mean game of rock, paper, scissors (cheats every time) and is on a personal mission to keep Wendy’s in business. When his dad took him out for the ultimate father/son model rocket-launching experience, he ran screaming into the night and it was weeks before he forgave Phil who he now refers to as “Rocket Boy”.

Speaking of Phil, he’d be willing to endure flying monkeys, jitterbugs, lions, tigers and bears and even ten more years with the wicked witch if only the Wizard would give him “the perfect swing”. Yes, golf is still his main obsession. He thought he’d landed in Oz last summer when he traveled to Doonbeg, Ireland for the ultimate guy’s guy golfing/drinking extravaganza. Rumor has it his partner Matt and he drank enough Guinness to finance the Guiness advertising budget:brilliant! But he arrived home intact and with another “exquisite” crystal bowl for the mantel and a big smile on his face.

Somewhere over the rainbow…I’m actually there. I discovered the pot of gold-otherwise known as full-day kindergarten. After almost 16 years on the afternoon play date circuit. I am a free woman. Time alone is heavenly…one day I actually sat down (and it wasn’t in the car).

Dorothy was right, there really is no place like home…note the singular…yes, after 13 long months we finally sold the nightmare on Elm Street. Though our Irvington house is still in our real estate holdings, at least we don’t have to shovel there!

The lowest point of the year came in early August when we lost our beloved niece Betsy to Batten Disease. She touched hundreds and hundreds of people during her far too brief life and she is terribly missed. We are so grateful for the years we had with her and for her extraordinary family Chris, Kim, Kate, Courtney, and Dougie. We pray for them and for all the families who are missing a loved one this holiday.

Wishing you and yours happiness, health and peace in the New Year…

Or as Cameron would say “Feliz Navidad, Aloha!”

Christmas 2003

To friends and family near and far,

Every year around the third week of November (just as merchants are setting up displays of Valentine’s candy), I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach which I optimistically attribute to the flu. I moan awhile, sigh a lot, curse out loud and try to figure out how long until the next person will throw up, how long until the last person will throw up, and how many loads of laundry will be involved in between those two events.

After a while of not throwing up, I decide to eat a few squares of ready-made cookie dough because, just in case I do throw up, it won’t really count. After a day or two I remember what is actually causing that sick feeling in my stomach…it’s time to write the annual Christmas letter. So I eat the rest of the ready-made cookie dough (all eighteen squares), drink a bottle of wine…okay maybe two… and here we go!

Christmas 2003: The Top Ten Reasons Why It’s Time For A Midlife Crisis

Reason #10: You’re the first one asleep on New Year’s Eve despite the fact that it’s only 7 o’clock Denver time, you’re at a Jamaican resort with lousy (but free) wine on every corner, and even eight year-old Nicki is ringing in the New Year ala Jimmy Buffet. Yes, we took the family away last year. An all-inclusive deal, or as Phil says, "all you can fit under your spandex", i.e. fat people with spray tans, false boobs, and multiple tattoos. Think Disneyworld partially clothed. The kids LOVED it; we were glad to get home.

Reason #9: In the space of a single week you’re mistaken for Cameron’s grandmother, asked if your children are all grown, and told that you look just like your mother.

#8: Your mother turns seventy.

Reason #7: Your husband begins primping more for his golf lessons with “Craig” than he does for date night with you. “ Do you think this golf shirt make me look fat?” Yes the obsession continues, but has reached new heights. Practice hours are up…as is his handicap. But he's happy as a girl with her first crush.

Reason #6: At your 20th college reunion, the kids offer to give up their allowance if only you don’t make them wear the free purple cow t-shirt.

Reason #5: When you walk into class on the first day of “going-back-to-school-for-an-art degree” the other students think you’re the instructor, listen to the same (horrifying) music as your kids, and mistake your crow’s feet for cool facial tattoos.

Reason #4: As you prepare to catch a flight to Maui for your first no-kids vacation in six years, your thirteen year-old son slaps you on the back with the advice “ practice safe sex”. This one hurt. By the way is sleeping considered “safe sex”? If so, we were fine.

Reason #3: Your dependable ketchup-loving, shower-shunning , hockey pad-smelling, comb-resisting, girl-hating eleven year-old asks you to pick him up some deodorant.
This is like a shift in the power of Congress. The ones that sweat are now in the majority. We are doomed.

Reason #2: Your four year old’s favored form of greeting is “Nice Butt, Dude” and he’s greeted by the girls at Starbucks as if he were Norm on Cheers. “CAMERON!!!” It gets better, he proceeds to order a triple venti non fat latte. When he pulls exact change out of his backpack, I’m retiring!

And Reason #1: …the number one reason why it’s time for a mid-life crisis: Your teenage daughter writes a funnier Christmas letter than you do. Highlights from Kristen’s letter:

• Kris meets five Jamaican hotties.
• Rent ghetto condo (IN VAIL) read: she has to share bathroom
• Dad invents brong (an innovative coupling of bra and thong –apparently already invented by Victoria's Secret)
• Kev wears deodorant
• Nicole makes list of hot third grade boys for family’s enlightenment
• Dad has affair with Craig
• Mom’s underwear sings (another invention from Victoria)
• Will’s underwear shows (recent symptom of teen boy low rider syndrome)
• Kris’underwear shrinks (recent teen girl phenomenon)
• Dad tries to get skinny
• Cam learns all the words to “Baby got Back” which include “would you look at her butt, it is so big” (Are you sensing a theme?)
• Kris has baby (actually “Baby Think About It” a three day “experiential learning doll” courtesy of the progressive health program at Graland…) hmm, if that had been around when we got married, we could have gotten by with my old Toyota Corolla!
• Dad puts foot down about buying a new house…ABSOLUTELY NOT!
• (See enclosed card for new address)

This year we are grateful for our loyal New York pals, our deepening Denver friendships, the memorable times with family including Steve’s wedding, Easter with Grandma, Mom’s seventieth, sleepovers at Uncle Chris’ house, Lollie & Pop-pop’s Denver visit, and our upcoming Florida reunion with Phil’s family for Christmas.

Wishing you all the peace and joy of the season as well as happiness and health in the New Year.

Love Gretchen, Phil, Kris, Will, Kevin, Nicole, and Cam.

Christmas 2002

Go, Gretch. Go.

Kid.

Big kid. Little kid.

Big kids and little kids.

Glad kids and fad kids.

Mad kids and rad kids.

Dad kids.

The kids are all going around and around and around.

Go around again!

That about sums it up… Go! Stop! Go! Go around again!

We’ve been reading Go, Dog. Go! for thirteen years now. Like people with their pets, I guess it was inevitable that we would begin to resemble the characters...

“On the Road Again” is our official theme song for 2002. Our year developed into one continual road trip beginning with the holiday hop from hell last New Year’s when we made the grave tactical error of flying into Newark to expedite our six-day three-state extravaganza. Airport insanity was compounded by Cameron’s ear infection, my sinus infection, a Friday night New York rush hour, multiple simultaneous sleepovers (all in different towns) and was topped off with a stomach flu that traveled from Irvington to Philadelphia along with us. Are you starting to sing along?

Immediately following our return trip to Colorado and despite our travel travails, we gamely hit the road again in January at 6:00 AM every single $^#**% Saturday for six weeks along with a million other Denver nutcases making the manic drive to ski school. One hundred miles up and one hundred miles back with seven hours of skiing (scared) in between. As Kristen would say: “Oh, joyous occasions!”

Getting four kids and a wife into ski equipment every week wasn’t enough for Phil (he’s been a closet masochist for years…); in February, he volunteered to chaperone the seventh grade ski trip to Steamboat Springs…So on Kristen’s thirteenth birthday he set out in a bus with Kris and fifty-seven of her closest friends for the ultimate father-daughter, daughter’s teachers, daughter’s friends, daughter’s ex-friends, daughter’s crushes, daughter’s crushees, daughters’ ex-crushes, daughter’s ex-crushees bonding experience. Imagine his surprise when the four and half hour drive concluded in a fifty-eight person hot tub despite the darkness, the sub-zero air temp and the fact that the tub was designed for eight…max.

Before we moved to Colorado, our kids’ idea of a long trip was a drive to the mall…but here in the wild West, people’s idea of a Sunday drive is a drive that takes the WHOLE Sunday! Do you think it was a cop-out to get a car with a VCR and five sets of headphones? We don’t! So…over the kids’ spring break we took out stock in Blockbuster and caravaned to Tucson with our good friends, the Friends (cool, huh?) 18 hours…one way. What’s one missed turn…a four hour shortcut?!! Yikes.

Come June we road-tripped again…but this time via United to the Jersey Shore for a brief reprieve from the hectic schedule. The east coast was blissful. The only time I climbed into the car was to venture off the island for supplies. We had long weekends with both of our extended families as well as an extremely memorable Fourth of July when our crazy pals, the Cashels, parked their thirty-two foot long RV in front of our house which has only 28 feet of curb (much to our neighbor’s dismay!...)

In August, we embarked on a short (anything is short after Tucson) trip to Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons by way of Jackson Hole. We sped along desolate Wyoming roads with Cameron belting out Baptist songs courtesy of Kristen’s southern camp experience: “Rise and shine and give God your glory glory, rise and shine…”

For the first time, Kris ventured off to sleep-away camp in North Carolina along with her best NY pal, Cub. Imagine our distress upon hearing that only one week after I got her settled she slipped her Grandma an S.O.S. note while attending the local mass. After much hoopla, calls to counselors, dramatic phonecalls, desperate letters, we were startled to find posted on the camp website a photo of her slow-dancing with some unfamiliar boy! Suddenly her letters became more upbeat…well, of course she was happy: the carefully chosen all-girl camp had imported boys!!!

Will spent part of his summer back at Camp Thunderbird in Minnesota tackling his own big road trip…a 140 mile three day bike journey! Back at home, he opened last week as Charlie, the anvil salesman in The Music Man at our local theatre: he has gained the nickname “Velcro” due to his uncanny ability to attract teenaged girls.

Kevin gets around on his own set of wheels…over the past two years he’s become a lean mean rollerblading machine...a big player on two winning teams. I repeat: winning teams! Phil has experienced nirvana. Kev’s hockey player buzz cut was a big hit with the girls at cotillion…and to our great surprise he didn’t really seem to mind.

Nicole is our real road warrior. She sports her purple belt in taekwando, is soccer goalie for “The Groovy Girls”, serves as Cameron’s own personal stand-up comedian, plays a mean piano, and is well-known in the second grade for her prowess with a yo-yo. Road rage still rules when she and Kev share the back seat of the Suburban…sigh…so we’ve resorted to moving the car-seat between them …the Great Wall of Cameron. So far so good.

Speaking of Cameron, “Go, Cam, Go!” has also been an oft-heard phrase as this was the year of the potty-training. After his initial reaction to the suggestion that he do his business in the bathroom was “ I hate bafrooms” he eventually caught on and became so enamored by the idea of having my undivided attention, that some mornings would insist on sitting there for half an hour!

Our continual wrestle with the ubiquitous journey/destination question took a sober turn in late August when Phil’s dad and best friend was diagnosed with cancer. We lost him in less than five weeks and it’s been devastating. The one comfort we have is the legacy that he left…ten grandchildren and counting. He will live on in our hearts and theirs forever. We feel extremely grateful for the prayers, love, and support offered by all of you during these difficult months.

We send you our thanks and love as well as our own prayers for peace.

Gretchen, Phil, Kristen, Will, Kev, Nicole and Cameron

Christmas 2001: EXTRA KID, EXTRA KID!! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

How was I to know when I talked Phil into one more baby that nothing, and I mean nothing, is designed for families of seven? Not vacation homes, not kitchen tables, not SUVs, not cute placemat sets, not even KFC's family size bucket! Cameron is our own personal super-sizing dilemma.

In other lead stories...

FOOD

Big doings at the dinner table; Kevin ate a carrot. And he didn't throw up. He didn't even make those awful throwing up sounds. Before you start celebrating for us, be assured that ketchup and Reese's Cups are still his foods of choice and he continues to recover from the day I snuck some grated squash into the pancakes! The other top story is that Kristen has given up life as a crunchie...in other words, she ate a hotdog. So, now she'll eat hotdogs. BUT, they have to be BARBEQUED. And she'll even stoop so low as to ingest chicken. BUT, it also must be BARBEQUED. Now that Phil is working again (see lead story in FINANCIAL NEWS), BBQing has gone by the wayside. So instead of the coveted cell phone, we've decided to get Kris her own gas grill for Christmas...You Grill, Girl!

ENTERTAINMENT

Nicki. Need I say more? Okay, okay...Nicki is something like the 'little girl with the little curl right in the middle of her forehead...' In recent months, she has lost a mouthful of teeth, tackled tae kwon do, succinctly expressed her personal views about a particular teacher...to that particular teacher, accused Phil and me of being too romantic whenever we so much as glance at each other, and regaled us with stories about the little boy in her class who wants to know how to kiss girls. When we nervously inquired about her teaching methodology, she assured us she'd told him to practice on the school's brick wall! Whew.

SPORTS

Despite three seasons of soccer, two seasons of roller hockey, and one season of lacrosse since we settled in Denver, we have yet to see a win. I'm not talking about a winning season, I'm talking about a winning game! Of course, since Phil isn't very competitive, it isn't that big of a deal...excuse me for a moment..."Phil, honey, I think it's time you take your hands off of the ref's neck now and let him get home in one piece for the holidays...honey...HONEY!"

ARTS & LEISURE

Leisure? Did someone say leisure? Oh, sure, I guess that was a leisurely drive to rehearsal...I didn't honk at anyone this time did I? Oh, I did on the drive home? No, I think that was during the drive back to deliver the socks that Will forgot. Oh? I was yelling at the slow pedestrian then, the honking was when I went back to pick up Kevin from rehearsal? Are you sure it wasn't when Kristen realized that she didn't have to be at rehearsal that day? Well, thanks for clearing that up. It was an exciting fall, not only for all the other drivers (not to mention pedestrians), but also watching Kris and Will perform in The Sound of Music here in Denver. Having learned all of the songs by heart two years ago in New York, it was...well, refreshing isn't exactly the word... Anyway, the house was alive with the sound of music. And we are all eager to see Kevin, a.k.a. Ron Weasley in a Harry Potter production this spring.

TRAVEL & LEISURE

Another misnomer. We traveled, but it would be a stretch to call it leisure travel. Picture this: a breathtakingly beautiful national park filled with one-of-a-kind rock formations, once-in-a-lifetime views, spectacular panoramas. Then picture this: an aging Suburban crammed with contentious siblings including a two year-old learning the power of a scream, a 12 year-old perfecting the preteen whine (as in: why do we have to go to Utah? I hate Utah! None of my friends have to go to Utah) an 11 year-old having re-entry stress after a month at sleep-away camp (otherwise known as freedom), nine and seven year-olds who haven't exchanged a civil word since 1997. Top this off with Phil in start-up mode (again), and me on the wagon (see MEDICAL & HEALTH NEWS for more on this unfortunate state of affairs). Ugh.

MEDICAL & HEALTH

I have recently offered, make that begged, to personally fund the R&D of an alcohol-friendly medication for the parasite Giardia, a delightful memento from the Avon 3-Day walk. Advice for future walkers: ONLY DRINK THE BOTTLED WATER! Ten days on the wagon after three days on the can...how unfair.

REAL ESTATE

I tried, I really did, to get Phil to buy me a house on the bay last summer. I mean what's the big deal? I know we live in Denver now, and NJ is nearly 2000 miles away but still...consider it a change of scenery...okay, consider it an investment...okay, consider it complete and utter frivolity! So what if it cost more than our house in Denver and our house in NY combined. Just because Phil hasn't seen a paycheck in over eighteen months...what's your point? Whose side are you on, anyway? Do you want to get an invitation to the shore or not? In terms of current real estate holdings, the punch list at 70 Elm Street hasn't changed one iota since this time last year. The house even has some special features we hadn't been aware of before. For example, the other evening Kris was able to play the piano and take a shower at the same time. All of this while I was trying to fill the tub...

FINANCIAL NEWS

In deference to polite society, Phil finally decided to go back to work. After his attempt to change the world (by obsessively working out) failed (i.e. nobody noticed his enormous biceps), he is boycotting the gym where he previously parked himself for two to three hours a day. Instead, he is parked in a pretty official-looking office in downtown Denver, where he and his partner, Dave, preside over Headwaters MB.

ANIMALS & NATURE

Our brief foray into dog parenting didn't even last long enough to get him in the Christmas photo. " Cowboy" was an adorable two year-old Basset Hound who didn't like sharing me with Cameron. Our one other attempt at becoming pet people was my brilliant idea to have goldfish be the goody bag for Nicki's 7th birthday party, a backyard carnival. Suffice it to say, I made three trips to the pet store in the 24-hour period preceding the party and had four new friends stop speaking to me within 24 hours after the party!

MOVIES

I'd like to give fair time to each of this year's blockbusters, but unfortunately, I've been home with Cameron watching Barney re-runs. There is something so endearing when Cam gently takes my face in his hands, gazes into my eyes, and whispers hopefully "Watch Barney?" Mind you, this is usually at 5:20 AM. Other favorite Cam expressions include "Hit!" "Kick! ""Move!" "Cry!"and of course, "No Way!"

EDITORS NOTE

While we have much to be thankful for this year, we grieve for our families , friends, and fellow Americans who have touched by the tragedy of terrorism. Please join us as we pray for peace. We wish you all a happy and healthy New Year.

With Love, Gretchen, Phil, Kris, Will, Kevin, Nicki, and Cam

Christmas 2000

To friends far, wide, east, west, new, old, worst, and best;

The year 2000 has been a real sleeper; it started out slowly but ended up a sell-out! Our low point was early January when we spent 8 days with 5 kids in 2 rooms at a Colorado Residence Inn. One day things got so bad that Phil and I had to retreat to separate rooms (with big plastic cups of wine) to call our moms! Let the house stress begin...

Our new home has a four-page punch list, a postage stamp-sized backyard, a New York style price tag and that pretentious but trendy “theatre”…a major selling point according to the kids (mind you these are people who decided on a school based on its ketchup supply!) While our oversized closet of a theatre is not up and running yet (what? why would wiring be included in the price?), life has been pretty dramatic on its own. We've been trying to come up with a title for this comedy: Nightmare On Elm Street seemed rather pessimistic: Home Alone seemed a bit optimistic (Rugrats in Denver is more like it). There's always The Money Pit, which does sum up our experience with the builder (aka The Jerk), but might be considered libelous.

When we were enticed to Denver by the great American Dream of an entrepreneurial start-up, the idea of Trading Places was irresistible (though perhaps Phil thought that Jamie Lee came with the job…). Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?- We do!! But we ran out of lifelines... an hour after we unpacked the last box, hit the credit limit on our Mastercard at EMS thanks to camping gear, ski equipment, and all the other Colorado necessities), the start-up… finished up.

Since then, Phil has been exploring the recreation industry with lots of skiing, rollerblading, and weight-lifting. We have recently updated our title to Who used to be a Millionaire. While Phil does his best not to be a Scrooge, he’d sure be happy to see something The Color Of Money! Having him around is a bit like being married to The Odd Couple- I’ve got Felix doing flow-charts to “help” me manage the breakfast, backpack, brush teeth routine, and Oscar conspiring to paint J-E-T-S-! on the children’s chests for the Christmas photo.

Kristen’s top movie pick is Drive Me Crazy (hmm does that mean me or her?) She’s like all grown up ya know…like she wasn’t thrilled about the move (uh duuhhh, moooommmm) like it was really unfair ya know, like leaving all her friends. But she’s sort of recovered, like with the mall only a mile away…that’s like, rad, ya know…Let's not even talk about the Never Been Kissed aspect...

Will quickly found his niche in Denver landing the lead role in Oliver at the local theatre. It was brilliant casting as “Please sir, I want some more” has been a signature phrase of Will’s for years! "Food, Glorious Food" has also always been a favorite of his…witness the 123 candy wrappers on his floor less than a week after Halloween. You guessed it...Willy Seefried and the Chocolate Factory.

Rookie of the Year is Kev’s favorite flick. It’s a fitting title for our little buddy. When we first told him about the move, he grabbed his head with both hands and bellowed “But New York is my life” (he was 7 at the time). Kevin has remained a stalwart Yankees fan, tho’ basking in the glory of the World Series was tough when surrounded by Rockies fans…He’s become our own rookie of the year, in less than 4 months he’s mastered rollerblading, downhill skiing, crayfish hunting and has even weathered a simultaneous sleeping bag claustrophobia attack with Phil on our first (read: last) camping trip.

There is Something About Nicki. She plays a mean game of golf, a worrisome game of doctor, and attracts friends like flies. In her terrific pre-first class, she has learned cross-stitch, sign language,, and how to cook thai food. She can ride a chair lift with the best of ‘em and even mastered the tricky technique of peeing in the dark in the woods while being held aloft by her bionic mom.

Lethal Weapon 5 is Cameron’s top pick. At 16 months, he is fast violent, and unrepentant. He loves head-banging, hair-pulling, and hitting his sibs with weapons as varied as Seseame Street videos, unopened waterbottles, and stray golf balls. They continue to adore him despite head injuries and hair loss, and have taught him the delightful phrase "Whaassuuuppp? (Phil is sure Cam has a future with Anheuser Busch). We are still waiting for him to adjust to Mountain Time as he' still awaking at 6 AM... EST!

As for me, I feel like a supporting actress in an old cowboy flick. Pack up the wagons, head west, and set up a new camp. If you'd asked me 6 months ago, I would have called it Mission Impossible, but we did it. Now we are just dealing with Sleepless in Seattle, make that Denver. My co-star, Cameron, is attached at the hip. I've mastered one armed-cooking, shopping, and cleaning even while being head-banged by the best of them. While I look forward to a future feature of Eyes Wide Shut, Phil will be disappointed to hear that it's not the Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman version that I'm fantasizing about!

We have lots to be thankful for this year; welcoming new friends and loyal old ones, memorable times with our families, and the birth of a healthy son to my brother Chris and his wife. Things are still hectic, so I guess it's us, not New York, that makes life so busy...but we wouldn't have it any other way.

It's A Wonderful Life!

Peace, health, joy to you all.

Gretchen, Phil, Kris, Will, Kev, Nicki, and Cameron


STAY TUNED FOR 2001, WE HOPE THAT IT WILL BE A REAL BLOCKBUSTER!

Christmas 1999

Dear Friends,

All of you who know us well may not be surprised to hear Phil’s favorite saying (a.k.a. ‘The 6 P’s) is 'Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance'. In other words, PLAN AHEAD!! To tell you the truth folks, I’ve recently been experiencing slight performance anxiety and it may have something to do with the fact that my favorite saying is more along the lines of “Drat, it’s time to go to Plan B.” So let’s call 1999 “the year of the plan” (or the year the plan went out the window) and allow me to share with you some of my finer planning moments.

We’ve had several people raise their eyebrows at our idea of responsible family planning, (in fact, you may be one of them!). Though it's hard to believe, Cam really was our own version of the ever-popular five-year plan. He was truly worth the wait. When not being smothered by his sibs, he is busy jet-setting around the country with Mom and Dad. He’s been to more places than Dr. Seuss - from the Rockies to the Boardwalk, and the Governor’s Palace to Cinderella’s castle. He sleeps 10 hours a night, smiles 10 hours a day, and flirts or feeds during the balance.

I don't blame you for questioning the planning when our oldest will hit puberty just as the youngest enters the terrible twos. But this year, we’re still in that honeymoon period where Kristen think we’re pretty close to perfect (or at least not too mortifying), and Cameron doesn’t know what a bad hair day is. Kris has really come into her own; she loves her new school and has discovered that socializing and scholarly pursuits need not be mutually exclusive. She is teetering between the tens and the teens with alternating requests to wear glitter to school and sleepers to bed.

Then there is the issue of vacation planning. What was I thinking when we went to the non-air-conditioned shore house during the worst heat wave since our wedding day? Between me being nine months pregnant and Phil putting his back out while trying to put the air conditioner in, we spent our week vacation drawing straws to be alone in the one room with air conditioning and a king size bed. The kids were thrilled to be told to “eat, drink, and be merry, just close the door quick so the cold air doesn’t leak out of our room!” WHADDAYAMEAN YA WANNA GO TO THE BEACH?? IT’S A HUNDREDDEGREESOUT!

The beach wasn’t the only thing that was hot this year…after wowing his fans as Snoopy and belting out a stirring rendition of Suppertime in a backyard production of Charlie Brown, Willie is currently rehearsing for the role of Rooster in a coming production of Annie. Like Rooster, he has a soft spot for shiny suits and an eye for an easy buck. But his taste in women is much more refined and, much to his sister’s shock, some of her friends are even asking for his number.

Then there was the holiday planning…okay, ‘fess up. Who was it? I know it was one of you. One of you told me that Thanksgiving is the perfect time to go to Disneyworld. No crowds…everyone is home with their families eating turkey. Well guess what. No one was home eating turkey with their families, they were all at Disney eating a $25 character breakfast with Mickey! And so were we.

Kevin really rocked in Disney when he conquered Space Mountain not once, but twice, despite a 103 degree fever (another example of my fondness for Plan B). Kev continues to love ketchup and hate girls, avoid showers and covet baseball cards. He’s developed a golf swing to rival Dad’s and now just needs to learn not to run to get to his next shot.

One of my personal favorites is the continually changing medical plan. As I called around early in the year seeking a pregnancy test which would involve someone else dipping the stick in the urine (I don’t like self-serve at the gas station either), I was frequently met with the ever-so-solicitous “WHATSYAPLAN ??” We continue to rely on the “PLAN” to finance the infinite refills on Nicole's asthma meds. Despite her cough, she is still better entertainment than A&E. Nicki likes to say it like it is. Last week she curled up next to Phil, waved her hand in front of her face, wrinkled her nose, and advised him “ a tic-tac wouldn’t kill ya!” Now in kindergarten, Nick has the sophistication of a fifteen year-old. Her most recent undertaking? Wedding plans. Her own. She recently informed me (in confidence) that she will be marrying the Backstreet Boys. I’ll see what I can do about getting you on the invite list.

As far as my own planning is concerned, I must confess that sleep deprivation was briefly revisited last summer. It was clear I'd hit rock bottom when I asked the kids to wait a few minutes while I went upstairs to eat the baby. I had a similar sinking sensation in my stomach when he was about two weeks old; someone asked his name, and I couldn’t remember.

As for Phil, well wouldn’t you love to know what the prince of prior preparation has planned for the millennium…

While we gear up for the year 2000, let me close by hoping that you and yours have a holiday filled with joy, and a new year filled with plans!

Love from us all,

Gretchen, Phil, Cam, Nicki, Kevin, Will, and Kris