Mother is a Verb

Mother is a Verb

Friday, November 12, 2010

Christmas 1996

Dear Santa et al:

I've been a very, very good girl this year...well, a pretty good girl...all right, a somewhat good girl. Okay, okay, so I've been a raving lunatic who curses out every other car on the road, feeds her kids lollipops before 7 AM, sends out blank party invitations, and threatens telemarketers (and anyone else who calls between 5-8 PM) with severe bodily harm.

Enough true confessions...on with the news. 1996 has been designated the year of the cough. Beyond Nicole's every day asthma-related cough, we've become well-acquainted
with the hacking cough (Willie), the gagging cough (Kevin), and the 'I'm pretending I'm not coughing' cough (Kristen). Then there is the 'I never got around to getting a flu shot' cough (Phil) and the 'What the hell, everyone else in Westchester has it, so why shouldn't I?' cough (me). Thankfully, we no longer have the smoker's cough, and for those of you who never knew, never mind: and for those of you who did-aren't you impressed? So what if I eat a whole bag of popcorn by myself every night, I can still fit through the door, and anyway... didn't I already say "enough true confessions"??!

Kristen is a savvy second grader and an official member of the Babysitters' Club Books Fan Club (guess how much that's going to cost me every month?!) She has big plans and a big heart, is beginning to complain about homework, giggle about boys, and contemplate the true meaning of Christmas.
Willie, at six, has hit his stride: he loves to draw, build forts, watch cartoons, annoy his sibs, and is in continuous training for the 2004 Olympics Men's Gymnastics Team. His two favorite phrases are "It's not fair!" and "I'm still hungry".

Kevin is into transformers, computers and legos. He hates vegetables, rules and "gorls". He frequently threatens us with 'the friend thing'- "if you don't let me do whatever the hell I want (including eating all the Halloween candy in one sitting, tying up my baby sister, and running out in the street naked), then I won't be your friend anymore!"

Nicki is two and invariably infuriating. She has recently discovered hair-pulling as a quick sibling attention-getter and has quite a grip! She loves food, pacifiers, and the Macarena. Two years of having her siblings lord it over her has finally come back to haunt them as her favorite household phrase now is "go away, you dumb baby!".

Phil has been working on his transformation from Type A to Type B with extraordinary success. Having survived a month of self-induced deprivation in September (no caffeine, alcohol, fat or sugar!?!) his body was, for a brief moment, "a temple" (his own words). For all of you former drinking buddies and fellow White Castle-holics, never fear. His body reverted to its natural tavern state well before Columbus Day! He continues to provide the kids with creative and spur-of-the-moment entertainment ranging from huge fort-like rocket ships built from discarded box springs to "I'll give you a quarter if you get me a Bud without shaking it".

We really do have a lot to be thankful for this year: the precious time spent with my brother and his family as they continue battling Batten's Disease with their daughter, Betsy; the huge outpouring of love, support, and help to my parents and our own family while my father weathered back-to-back bypass and aneurism surgery last month. And last, but not least, the fact that for the first time in nearly eight years, our children all sleep through the night (except when they have coughs).

We have been abominable about keeping up with even the closest of friends (we hardly keep up with each other...want proof? I'm not pregnant and we don't have a new baby!) So please forgive us if this is the first time you've heard from us since last Christmas and don't feel bad because it's probably the last time you'll hear from us 'til next! Nevertheless, we wish you a very happy and healthy holiday and plenty of peace and joy in the year ahead.

With Love,
Gretchen & Phil, Kristen, Willie, Kevin, and Nicki

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